While I had a great relationship with my brothers and sisters growing up, it was always an unstable one with my parents. Even though we lived in an upper middle class suburban home, there was no real love between my parents (who for whatever reason would not separate from each other), so their frustration was often taken out on us. Luckily for me, I went off to college when everything started getting bad and seldom came home. It was there I first smoked weed and started drinking on an almost nightly basis. There was little moderation with it all at first, because everyone else was joining in the fun and for the first time, I felt carefree about any of my domestic problems back home. The urge to experiment and to try something new soon led to spice, valium, percs, cocaine, adderal, hallucinogens and others.
It was during my summer vacations that I returned to the stress and the verbal berating back home, which resumed eating away at me and continued throughout the rest of my college years. As a result I would dedicate all my free time to overcompensating with drugs and alcohol, all the while trying my best to fit in with different groups of people to fill the void in my heart. After I graduated, I felt completely lost, happy I had completed college but totally unsure of where I was going and with no self-confidence. Again, I began using a whole galaxy of drugs to help me forget and delude myself into believing everything was all right. With my tolerance on the rise, I grew depressed and anxious while using more & more just to feel less of the desired effect. It was when my brothers and sisters noticed I was a shell, a mere hollowed out individual, of my former self, that they implored me to get into treatment. And, so I listened and accepted their recommendation of Behavioral Health of the Palm Beaches in Florida.
They had already done all the research and chose them because they are specialists in dual diagnosis/co-occurring disorders. When I started the treatment phase of my rehab, after I competed the initial detox phase, I was encouraged for the first time in my life to speak out about any troubling emotion inside me. These types of emotions I learned are often the triggers that create the urge inside of a person to abuse drugs and/or alcohol. At first it was very difficult for me to talk about any of my deeply suppressed feelings, but eventually after hearing others share their stories of personal tragedy and struggles with addiction, I began to open up too. I was surprised when listening to their personal stories how most were far worse than my own. The dual diagnosis program really helped me to understand why I react to something the way I do when I get emotionally upset or feel overwhelmed. But they all really helped from the therapeutic aspect of my therapy and were a real inspiration. By the time I finished the program I felt emotionally healed. I also learned to accept whatever occurs around me that I cannot change but to always remain strong emotionally and physically to continue to be able to live a life free of drugs and alcohol.