Ever since I got clean, I’ve thought a lot about determinism, free will, and whether or not there was such a thing as fate. On one hand, if I would have believed in fate when I was doing cocaine, I would have totally given up trying to even fight my addiction and said that fate wanted me to die. On the other hand, it didn’t seem like anything but fate could have gotten me to stop. My cocaine habit started when I was just shy of 23. It was a period in my life in which I loved and cared for nothing and welcomed each new adventure no matter how reckless or idiotic. Cocaine knocked on my door one night. I let it in and we were best friends for about five years.