You ever notice, once you have completed substance abuse treatment, exactly how many holidays involve alcohol and drugs? (ALL OF THEM!) Maybe this is just a part of my recovery, but I am really having one of those days where I could pick up the Cuervo.  I wish I could have just one margarita today with some old friends.  But these days post-substance abuse treatment is much, much different than the days from that lifetime.  I can remember days from that lifetime where my friends and I would party all day and all night for Cinco de Mayo.  We would plant ourselves at a Mexican restaurant at noon and not leave before closing time!  We might take a smoke break outside in between margaritas, to enjoy some of the finer Mary Jane around, and then return to consume copious amounts of chips and salsa.  The things I used to put my body through, wow, thinking about it, I just breathe a huge, bittersweet nostalgic sigh.

I have to sit back and realize all that I have accomplished being sober and having completed my substance abuse treatment.  Even though I have celebrated three years sober, I know that I couldn\’t have just one margarita if I were to walk in there today.  It would be several, several margaritas and then several shots of gold AND silver tequila—whatever I could get my hands on.  Actually, come to think of it, it would be more than “several” and much closer to “many.”

In college, my friends and I would go to Mad Mex and be there for hours, rotating margarita flavors – because they are all absolutely delicious – and who can resist those “big azz” 22 ouncers for a measly 7 dollars? We would go on other days during the year too; we were truly fond of that establishment.  Maybe we were more fond of the margaritas than anything else.  Seriously, they must have a secret, illegal ingredient (and I\’m not talking about alcohol). I can see them now—that beautifully naturally lime green liquid, sweating condensation with sugar salt around the rim, stacked with ice.  They really are presently quite nicely.  The people who designed the menu at Mad Mex: geniuses.  How they can sustain themselves with such amazingly cheap food and liquor is beyond me!  Not to mention, they really did get the recipes right with a flavor for everyone – classic lime, orange, peach, mango, strawberry, watermelon.  You name it, they have it.  They will even mix two flavors together for you! Man, I miss those days.

But man, I don\’t miss those mornings-after!  I loved tequila but it did not love me back.  I remember one time I had so many margaritas; I had a three-day long hangover!  But that was long before I would breathe and bleed tequila.  Before the real throes of my addiction began, I can remember some wicked headaches.  Because before my alcoholism was full-fledged, I wouldn\’t wake up and have a drink just to get through the day.  There was a time when I could just drink socially and be a fun drunk—before I became an angry, crying, mean, sloppy waste of an alcoholic.  Yes, come to think of it, I do not miss it.  I do not miss it at all.

Jimmy P.