Overcoming Blocks to Spiritual Growth
(To be published in 12/07 issue of Counselor Magazine)
Reverend Leo Booth, Michael Weiner, Ph.D., CAP., Donald Mullaney, Ph.D., LCSW, CAP
Behavioral Health of the Palm Beaches
Unlike religion, which is usually decided for us at birth, spirituality is a more personal way of living. It means different things to different people. What we are attempting to do in this article is reveal what actual patients have said during there stay at Behavioral Health of the Palm Beach and how we, as a treatment team, tried to answer their challenges and move them to a place where at least the word spirituality did not become a block to recovery and sobriety.
Also we would want to make three points that are important in any discussion of spirituality and the obstacles in thinking a patient might face.
1. Asking for Help
We believe that any discussion of spirituality involves the concept of “reaching out”; moving beyond ourselves and seeing that whatever spirituality is it certainly is necessarily more than who we are.
Life, the world, is more than who we are as an individual. Spirituality involves reaching outside of ourselves for something. Or recognizing something in others and creation that we are unable to discover in ourselves. It involves the more.
Often patients are asked the question “How are you doing spiritually?” Responses vary from “I have none” to “I don’t know. I feel empty…so very lost.” When we follow up with a question like “Why did you come into treatment?” The answer is always a variation on “I needed help”.
The “I needed help” becomes the springboard to a conversation that suggests, just maybe, the reaching out to another human being for help is the beginning of a spiritual step.
I can’t: You can: Will you help me?
We at Behavioral Health believe that the willingness to ask for help is the beginning of our spiritual journey into sobriety and recovery.
And although the term “God” is not involved, it is one human being talking to another human being, we believe that God, Spirit, Higher Power is involved.
What is happening when we ask for help is the recognition that “I can’t do it”. I need something more than me to solve this problem. I recognize that I am powerless…but maybe we are not!
Surely this is the essential ingredient of any treatment, the willingness to ask for help; we suggest that this is spiritual.
An example of this might be seen in the patient who struggles to move a box of heavy books from one place to another. He exhaustingly works alone and eventually completes the task. However, no more than thirty feet away stands a group of patients enjoying a coffee break. How could he have accomplished the task more easily? Well, he could have asked some people in the group to help him. Spirituality is not necessarily working harder…but smarter. The challenges and burdens of life are made easier when we collaborate; when we work together. A recognition of the fact that “I can’t, but we can”.
2. Help is there
We believe that when we reach out to the universe help is out there. When we work together in unity we are stronger than any one individual. This cry for help has echoed from the beginning of time…and it has invariably led to human progress.
The poetic rumor that says that Greta Garbo cried “I want to be alone” is the stuff of legend…however it was never true. Until the day she died Greta Garbo was surrounded by friends and employees who made her life tolerable and enjoyable.
We cry out because we know that there is more to life than my existence. God is the source of all creation and most addicts sense that they are not alone, they only feel alone.
And forgetting the concept of God for a moment, most of us know that at a practical level we all depend upon and need the help of others. In today’s world true isolation does not exist.
It is important to remember that this article is written from the perspective of patients in a treatment center. They are already receiving help. They are not alone. Help is there. They are not on the streets; they are in a community that is collectively seeking treatment, sobriety and recovery.
3. You deserve it
Another important spiritual step is the recognition that the help that you are receiving… you deserve. Few diseases in the world carry the toxic shame that comes with addiction.
Spirituality is the process of moving a person from “I don’t deserve it” to the celebration of “I’m God’s child”. We believe that we may make mistakes in life but we are not a mistake.
It is not unusual to hear clients say that they used to go to church or temple before they began drinking or using but now they don’t feel “good enough” to return to church. They joke “The building would fall down on my head” and the shame remains hidden.
Early stage treatment is keeping the person feeling worth while…God’s kid! How is this achieved? Well, at Behavioral Health we teach that addiction is a treatable disease, but a disease. Addiction has symptoms. It is progressive. And not unlike other diseases like cancer and diabetes can kill if left untreated but shame and low self esteem is often healed by example. We surround patients with people who are recovering. We encourage staff that is in recovery to share their experience, strength and hope. And we encourage laughter.
Good works often follow long periods of suffering and personal failure. Greatness is forged in the fires of struggle. Our spiritual message is based upon hope, respect and inclusively. No addict is left behind!
Over a period of time we see the blocks to spirituality slowly fall away and personal self esteem blossom…but it doesn’t happen over night. But it happens.
Lastly, at Behavioral Health we make a point of teaching the difference between spirituality and religion. We respectfully suggest that most people’s religion is determined by family of origin. With few exceptions, which we discuss, most people stay in the religion of their birth and culture. As indeed most people eat, dress and speak according to their culture and country of birth. For most, religion is given…hardly a choice!
Spirituality, on the other hand, is a choice to celebrate the diversity of this world and respect the God-given “difference” of human kind. Because it encourages people to think “outside the box”, it welcomes poetry, art and music alongside a religious philosophy. It avoids rigidity and favors respect and inclusiveness. The Gold Rule: Treat People the way you would want to be treated.
Some clients come into treatment after experiencing serious religious abuse from fanatical priests, ministers or parents…and they want nothing to do with God or religion. We understand. We acknowledge their wounds. And we suggest a spirituality based upon living a positive (as opposed to negative) and creative lifestyle.
In no way would we wish to discount the power of religion in a person’s life, indeed we encourage people to revisit their church or synagogue after treatment, because they return with a “new pair of glasses”.
Also, the God that most patients came into treatment with or are angry at they soon come to realize was as unhealthy as other aspects of their life; indeed “we” (the treatment team) do not believe in their God.
Rather do we suggest the God of the Serenity Prayer. A loving God, a gentle God…a God who forgives and understands our struggles.
We do not teach a fearful or judgmental God…anymore than we should encourage a fearful or judgmental family or relationship. Healing invokes a quiet gentleness.
So we return to where we began; when a person is seeking the spiritual journey a good place to start is accepting that two people are more powerful than one. Two people together can life a weight that neither person can do alone. If the group is big enough then a recovery community can be built. Maybe one of the things a group of people can do that no individual has been able to do is stay clean and sober. And when the addict realizes what the size of the recovery community worldwide is, they have truly discovered a Higher Power.
|
